The adventures of Thanksgiving preparation

I dropped a jar of sweet pickles in the kitchen last night. Allow me to tell the FULL story.
In preparation for the Thanksgiving grocery shopping that will happen later today we cleaned out the fridge last night. We have quite a system down: I pull things out of the fridge and attempt to identify them. If it is easily identified and dated and shows no signs of aging, back in the fridge it goes. If an item does not pass this inspection it goes on the counter to be disposed of properly. My dad proceeds to dump these sometimes unidentifiable items down the disposal as he wrinkles his nose and holds his breath. My mom, due to a serious case of a weak stomach, stays on the other side of the kitchen and sometimes out of the room and helps me properly identify and date these items as best she can; from a safe distance of course.

In the process of cleaning out the fridge, we discoved an odd liquid in the bottom of the fruit and vegetable drawer. Not fully knowing where this came from (although my money is on the bag of salad that had completely turned to green mush) we felt it necessary for the drawer to be removed and washed out. Because the side of the fridge is up against a wall the door doesn't open as far as it could. So, the only way to get the drawer out of the fridge is to remove one of the shelves in the door. My dad, without thinking, picks up the shelve with the items still on it and quickly realizes that the shelve has a front and 2 sides, but no back. I rush to the rescue and start pulling things off the shelve before they start falling. We manage to sucessfully get the shelf to the closest counter without dropping anything. Correction, my dad manages to get the shelf to the counter without dropping anything. He then proceeds to wrestle with the drawer. I realize that the place where the shelf is now sitting is the very place where the drawer will need to be when it is removed. So in a stroke of brilliance I pick up the shelf, full of it's contents, and begin to move it to another counter space.

Let's pause this story here.... this is the part where any normal human being would say "Hey, take the stuff off the shelf first! Don't pick up the full shelf, you'll drop it all." But I guess I'm not that normal. I didn't think about this option until the jar of sweet pickels was on the way to its doom. That's right, I picked up the shelf, contents and all, and attempted to carry them all at once to the other side of the kitchen. Next thing I know, the jar of pickles is broken in a million pieces, the hershys syrup bottle lay broken and managed to fling chocolate syrup across the cabinet doors on the way down, a can of bread lay dented and soaking in pickle juice, and the dog was wide awake and insisted on exploring the mess. And I was left holding a shelf with the lone survivor, the blessed coffee creamer. (God must have remembered my addiction to coffee when He spared the coffee creamer from doom and destruction. I'm thanking Him today for the creamer as I sit here sipping my coffee.)

I stood there for a second staring at the chaos thinking "I haven't made a mess like this since the espresso cheese cake masacare of '08... and I'm standing here in socks." So I dashed off to get shoes, and begin tackling the mess. My dad and I picked up the pickles and glass while my mom retained the dog. Neither of which were an easy task. Once we cleaned up most of the juice and the large pieces of glass we came to two conclusions. One, that the floor needed a good cleaning with the swiffer wet jet and two, that the bread must be cooked immediately or thrown out. We opted for cooking.

Now, I'm not sure if you've ever smelled sweet pickles before, but if you haven't you're really not missing much. They have a very distinct sweet smell, but mixed with the pickle smell it doesn't smell appetizing at all. Now imagine your house smelling like pickles. Now imagine your house smelling like sour pickles. (I don't even know if that's possible but just go with me here.) Now add the smell of swiffer wet jet (or insert other cleaning supply smells here). Interesting smell for sure. But it gets better, the story doesn't end here my friends! Oh no, it goes on!!

So I decided to bake the bread while my dad was "swiffering" the floor. I opened the can of bread (similar to a can of biscuits or cinnamon rolls) and the thing practically exploded in my hands. I jumped and let out a little yelp. As I opened the container I realized the bread didn't have the same consistancy of normal bread. It was like it didn't have enough flour in it. It was a little gooey. I checked the date only to realize that it was past it's prime by 7 months! Ew!! I went to show my mom the mess and by the time I made it across the house the bread goo had begun oozing out of the container. So, no canned bread with our leftover dinner. Fortunately I was able to contain the goo long enough to get it in the trash can. One more disaster safely avoided.

Among the things left in the fridge was a loaf of french bread that also needed to be baked. This was our original plan before the pickle disaster and now we're back to it. So, in the bread goes, which adds another odd smell to the kitchen. Not to mention the leftovers that were heated up soon afterward.

The evening became much less eventful through dinner and watching tv afterward. That is until my dad took the dog out. She's been sick lately and pooped all over the porch. And my dad stepped in it. This normally wouldn't be a problem except that he did know he stepped in. We just had the carpets professionally cleaned a couple of weeks ago and we've been working to keep them clean. So we were all a little frustrated when he tracked it across the house before he even knew it was there.

I also found out that after I went to bed the dog threw up all over the carpet. What a night!!! I'm glad it's over and we're on to a new day. Hopefully today will be calmer. Although we are planning on going to the grocery store today at 5 for all our Thanksgiving shopping. Are we insane for going at 5 when the whole world is there? Oh well... maybe I'll have another adventure to blog about tomorrow!


In other news I wrote a Thanksgiving carol for my sister today. It's to the tune of "Oh Christmas Tree"

O turkey leg! O turkey leg!
How juicy art thou turkey leg.
O turkey leg! O turkey leg!
How juicy art thou turkey leg.

You give me warmth in my belly.
Your tryptophan makes me sleepy.
I dream of you through out the year.
I can't believe the time is near.

O turkey leg! O turkey leg!
How juicy art thou turkey leg.
O turkey leg! O turkey leg!
How juicy art thou turkey leg.